Rappers turned actors – Part 1

I earn a pretty modest wage for the job I do. Do I deserve more? Maybe. Do I want more? Hell yeah. But ultimately, I am better off than most people and I’m fairly comfortable with my position in life. It is for that reason that I don’t judge footballers who earn over 250 grand a week for doing what I use to do at lunch time with jumpers for goal posts. Hugh Laurie is a fantastic actor, which is why I don’t mind him earning $500,000 dollars an episode on House. In fact, pay the man more. He is a bloody hero. What I do resent however is rappers that try their hand at acting when they can’t act for shit. I mean seriously??? Some of them can’t even rap for shit but I don’t judge cos hey, a brother’s gotta make a living right? But when they start taking the piss by moving over into acting, then the black hulk rises (no that is not a euphemism for my erection!). Here are my top 5 hated rappers turned actors:

1. LL Cool J: You can’t rap and you can’t act. Put your shirt on, stop being an idiot and get a job as a gym rep
2.  Ice Cube: Boyz n the hood? Yes. The Friday trilogy? Well ok C+. Barbershop? Now you’re starting to take the piss Ice Cube. Are We There Yet? and Are We Done Yet? Oh Ice Cube, hand in your retired N.W.A membership pass right now
3. DMX: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. DMX??? DMX??? I can’t even understand what the hell he is saying most of the time cos he won’t stop barking. I actually think there might be some talent there if he recognised that he was a human being and not a canine. The only excuse for his incessant barking is if he was raised by dogs. DMX, see a therapist, not a movie agent
4. 50 Cent: There are approximately over 7 billion people on this earth so it is understandable that there are some things we just won’t agree on and will cause great debate: who is the real God - Allah or Jehovah? Is the death penalty a just punishment? Is Pippa Middleton’s butt that fine or was it just the bridesmaid dress? But as a species of Homo Sapiens, can we all just collectively agree never to watch a 50 Cent movie?
5.  The Game: Whoever allowed you a meeting with a producer should burn forever in the lowest depths of hell

Catch the next update where I will share the rappers that actually can act.

Ha ha DMX. Crazy mofo

Image provided by Grant Cochrane