Monkey see, monkey…fight?

How many of you have ever seen violence in films? What’s that? All of you? Hhmmm, interesting. But far from surprising.

It could be as laughable as the Hugh Grant and Colin Firth ‘fight’ scene (for want of a better word) in Bridget Jones, or it could be as needlessly gratuitous as virtually any scene in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the (literally) eye-popping torture scene in Casino…either way, it’s safe to say we’d all struggle to find a single film which doesn’t have some form of fisticuffs in (even Toy Story has a few fights in it!).

And if certain ‘experts’are to be believed, the scenes in these films are the driving force behind much of the violence in real life.

And I wonder…how much truth is there in this?

Personally, I’m not convinced by the cinematic conspiracy theories. Maybe that’s because I’m not so easily swayed, and maybe because I’m too ‘in control’ and won’t let Hollywood shove me over the edge into insanity. But ask yourself – seeing that all of us have witnessed countless examples of violence on the silver screen, and yet (as far as I know) none of you reading this have gone on to commit any atrocities or acts of hate…how much impact do these movies have?

I mean just because I’ve seen 'Catch Me If You Can', does that mean I'm going to become a world-renowned fraudster? No. Because I've seen 'Trainspotting', am I going to develop an insatiable heroin addiction? Or because I’ve seen 'Withnail and I' going to start downing lighter fluid? Or because I’ve seen 'Wedding Crashers', am I going to hit weddings to pick up girls? No, no, and...maybe.

But I should be clear; I’m not trying to belittle any of the incidents which the media are trying to lay at the feet of the red carpet. Events like the Fairfax (VA) murder in 2007 and the Colorado killingsin 2012 were horrible and my heart goes out to the families involved.

Truly.

But I can’t help but notice that in the history of Hollywood, of the hundreds of thousands of  films created in the last 100 years, less than 0.01% of these films have been reported to have inspired copy cat violence.

In fact come to think of it, I’d say that video games have a far greater influence by turning a passive viewer (cinema) into an active force of fighting and killing and maiming…y’know?

But it’s not a case of finger pointing between films and games and rappers over who’s had the biggest negative impact on its audience. But in the same instance, nor is it a case of finger pointing by ‘experts’ and other media institutes.

I mean what about the news? News reports bring some of the most horrendous things into our living rooms, and while it’s not glorifying these acts, it is introducing us all to the darker side of life, so while the media exists (and by that I obviously include the web), people will be open to violence and war and crime.

But then we can’t be shut off from the world, so what to do? Well it seems to me that people just need to learn to control their emotions better, and that when they go watch a Tarantino movie, or when they read American Psycho, or when they play COD, they realise these are works of fiction. FICTION! And if they do get you hot under the collar, go jerk off or hit a punch bag or something…y’dig? This ain’t rocket science.

But I’ve rambled on long enough.

The point I want to make is; are we justified in lambasting the oft vilified Tarantino, and are we right to say that the bloody red carpet is in fact to blame for the attacks over the year?

In short, no. I don’t think we are. I think in those unfortunate instances, there is a pre-existing tendency towards insanity – or at least instability – and that’s the kicker. Cinematic copy cat killings just happen to make a convenient scapegoat.

But then again, everyone knows that Hitler was a big Chaplin fan, and having two of the same terrible ‘taches can’t be mere coincidence…can it?

I am God.

What is it about cinema? Why do we keep watching films?

Yes, we can argue for entertainment and for escapism (any spiv who took a media studies course at college could tell you that), but come on – think past the obvious…

Why do we watch films? Anyone? Bueller…? Bueller…?

Well I have an idea.

Take a look at some of the films that get made and that go on to be some of the most popular – what do they give us?

Spectacle! Extraordinary, and remarkable spectacle!

They give us the chance to explore space, to traverse deserts and scale the ocean depths; to see love bloom, wars rage, witness the White House being blown up (not that we wanted to!) or watch the world end…

Put simply; cinema gives us a chance to see things we would NEVER get the chance to see in our everyday lives. But this isn’t just escapism. This is the viewpoint of God!

We see cities ruined, skyscrapers razed, tsunamis hit, tornados land and we even see people brought back from the dead – we get to see everything that’s going on in an entire universe and we can even slow the most heart-racing sequences down to a crawl so that we can take it all in…

We watch films because they make us feel important and influential, as though we were the ones who created the world we’re watching.

In those 2 hours, people are born and then die, worlds are formed and then destroyed and stars come and go into the deepening night, but through it all, we remain. We stand strong and witness it all.

For those 2 hours, we are gods.

And that, ladies and germs, is one of the main (subconscious) reasons I can see for why we devote so much of our time (and money) to cinema. To experience omnipotence.

Then again, it could just be the sex appeal of the stars who swagger about on our silver screens!

Hard to tell really…

Trust me – you’re better off not Knowing…

I’ve just watched one of the most confusing films I’ve ever seen.

It wasn’t Memento or Inception confusing – nor in fact was it on the same plane as Adam ‘Holy Moly! How did this get made??’ Sandler confusing – but suffice to say, sense is one thing it just did not make.

The film, ironically enough, was ‘Knowing’ – you know, that 2009 Nicolas Cage film where he plays a guy in a place looking for some stuff to help him stop something…y’know? Oh, you don’t know? My bad. 

Well as it happens, you’re actually better off not knowing.

Y’see, after an hour or so, I realised; “this is shit.” Disappointing considering the premise of the film seemed so interesting; a formula is uncovered from the past which predicts every major disaster, down to the location and the number of people who will die from/in/because of it. Morbid, yes. But the trailer posed an interesting concept, so I thought I’d stick around to watch.

But once again, Film4 lied to me. That lying bitch.

Instead of the interesting and original film we were promised, we were presented with a warmed up ‘end of the world’ formula (how many times has this been done, seriously?) dressed up in the tarty outfit of a cross-generational narrative.  Sounds fancy, right? It ain’t. And neither was the film.

It was peppered with unexplained questions about whisperings, some sort of itchy-scratchy type business going on with a couple of kids (no, not that lovable Simpson’s cartoon (unfortunately!)), and a handful of creepy East 17 wannabe lookalikes. Through all these set-ups, we had potential avenues of explanation dangled in front of us, but like the donkey sat looking at the carrot, we never got any tasty answers.

And then we have the ending. Sigh.

Have you ever seen a disaster movie? Yeah? Well this is the same as that one. And all the others. Ever. It was exactly the same. I won't go into detail (partly because i hate spoilers, and partly because i didn't care to remember alot of it), but it was the same bitter-sweet ending (bitter because it’s a disaster movie, sweet because it’s mainstream Hollywood) that we all hope will get ditched some time soon in the favour of something a bit braver. A bit more original.

Don’t get me wrong – Nic’s gotta pay the bills, as do the cast and crew, so I get their motive, I just wish I got their madness. And while I’m wishing my life away, I wish they’d have taken the time to explain some of what we were seeing too.

But then again, maybe we were just better off not Knowing…