Sequels, ok this is getting ridiculous

You’d have to be blind, deaf, dumb and stupid not to notice that we are awash with sequels. Getting to a trilogy is fine but we are starting to be inundated with 4^th, 5^th and 6^th movies. Really??? I mean really??? The amount of unpaid writers and waiters in LA with an original idea and now I gotta sit through ‘typical action revenge movie 4 – this time, it’s really really personal because I am a gruff but lovable loner and you killed the only girl I could ever be with?’

I like to think of sequels as you would an ex-girlfriend. After you break up, there are a couple of times that you go back for sex because you can’t really find someone else haven’t achieved closure but after the second or third time, it starts to get ridiculous. And sad. You’ve gotta cut the cord, baby. So here is a list of movies that I am dumping forever and ever (amen) and they won’t be getting a booty call from me:

• Pirates of the Caribbean
• Spy Kids
• Sex and the City (I was made to watch it... honest)
• Scream
• Saw (aren’t there like 50 million of these now)
• Resident Evil (those zombies must be pretty shit if they haven’t managed to kill an 8 stone white girl by now)
• Alien/Predator or Alien vs. Predator (we don’t care about your war – so fuck off!!)
• Friday the 13^th
• Halloween
• Terminator (If I keep drinking the way I do, I probably won’t live to see the end of the world anyway)
• Fast and the Furious (although the last one was not so bad. I’d refer to this one as a girlfriend you haven’t seen in like two years and she’s lost weight and got breast implants)
•  Basically all horror movies because

- Most Americans have guns, if a weirdo guy tried to creep up on them, they’ll just shoot em

- No one in their right mind separates from the group. Hell, even Neanderthals in prehistoric times knew that

- No one is a virgin anymore (Not my fault - honest)

- Why would you leave the comfort of your suburban house and go backpacking in the creepy woods?

-  Believe it or not, most people choose to vacation in the south of France instead of a  haunted house

- If you have cool vampire powers, it’s unlikely that you’ll be killed by a piece of wood

- Most creepy kids just grow up to be creepy adults, not psychopaths

- The devil has better things to do than possess humans

image from Motivational Posters